Jokes about Marriage Advice

50+ Hilarious Jokes about Marriage Advice!

Discover a lighter side to wedded bliss with our hilarious compilation, ‘Jokes about Marriage Advice’, guaranteed to bring laughter and a fresh perspective to couples everywhere.

50 Jokes about Marriage Advice

  • Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.
  • They say marriage is all about compromise. I call it learning to say “Yes, dear” in three different languages.
  • My wife told me I should be more in touch with my feelings. So, I started leaving the toilet seat up. That’s a feeling, right?
  • The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.
  • Remember, marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.
  • Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.
  • Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
  • The four most beautiful words in our common language: “I told you so.”
  • My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better, and I couldn’t do worse.
  • Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  • Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish saying it.
  • In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
  • Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist.
  • When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
  • To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
  • The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  • You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
  • The most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it… once.
  • Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue with death.
  • Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll love; 50+ Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds!, and these Knock Knock Jokes in Tagalog!

  • The difference between an engaged girl and a telephone? You can get off a telephone.
  • A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  • My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my fort.
  • Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
  • Marriage is like a public toilet, those waiting outside are desperate to get in and those inside are desperate to come out.
  • I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So, I bought her nothing.
  • Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s.
  • Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins.
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
  • Marriage is not a word; it’s a sentence—a life sentence.
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
  • An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren’t.
  • Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
  • A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person, just with more and more expensive gifts each time.
  • They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
  • Never go to bed mad—stay up and fight!
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  • What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
  • The four stages of marriage are: Bliss, Boredom, Arguing, and Apathy. Not necessarily in that order.
  • The secret of a happy marriage is still a secret, but we’re pretty sure it involves a lot of pizza.
  • Marriage is a lot like a card game at the start. All you need is two hearts and a diamond. Years later, you’ll want a club and a spade.
  • My wife said she wanted to see more of me around the house, so I left mirrors everywhere.
  • Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  • They say love is blind… and marriage is an eye-opener.
  • Always carry your wife’s photo in your wallet. Whenever you face difficulties, look at the photo and think: “If I can handle this, I can handle anything!”
  • “Do you know the difference between a tornado and marriage? Nothing, they both start with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end, you lose your house.”
  • Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.
  • My wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
  • Laughter within marriage acts as a bonding agent, a way to navigate the ups and downs together with a smile.

These ‘Jokes about Marriage Advice’ remind us that taking life too seriously is a surefire way to miss out on its joys, especially within the shared journey of marriage.

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