50+ Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds! (Hilarious Jokes)

Step into the new chapter of your life with a smile with our ‘Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds’, guaranteed to lighten the mood and bring joy to your journey together.

50 Bits of Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds

• The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
• Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.
• A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
• Remember, when you’re right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.
• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
• Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.
• In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
• In the marriage Olympics, the gold medal goes to the spouse with the longest memory.
• To keep your marriage brimming, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
• The four most important words in any marriage: “I’ll do the dishes.”
• When you’re wrong, admit it. When you’re right, be quiet.
• The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
• Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
• Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. You are one of them.
• Always carry your spouse’s photo in your wallet. Whenever you face difficulties, look at the photo and think: “If I can handle this, I can handle anything!”
• Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
• The three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
• A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.
• For a happy marriage, don’t try to win an argument, try to figure out why you’re arguing.
• Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, then you wake up.
• Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
• The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.
• My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.
• Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
• If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
• Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
• It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It just seems longer.
• A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
• Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
• The most romantic words after marriage: “Let’s split the housework.”
• Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.
• I married Mr. Right. I just didn’t know his first name was Always.

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll love; 50+ Jokes about marriage advice, and these Knock Knock Jokes in Tagalog!

• They say marriage is all about compromise. I agree. My wife lets me choose the color of the towel that I’m going to dry the dishes with.
• In every argument with your spouse, remember that there won’t be a winner and a loser. You’re partners in everything, so you’ll either win together or lose together.
• Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
• The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
• You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. And then you get married, and sleep is all you ever dream about.
• Always be the first to say sorry, even if it’s not your fault. It’s the cheapest way to have peace in your home.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
• They say opposites attract. If that’s the case, my spouse and I are going to be together forever because I’m right and she’s wrong.
• When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.
• Every married couple should have one argument a month just to keep the communication strong.
• Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
• Remember, marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. And marathons are always easier when you’re in shape and know the shortcuts.
• In marriage, don’t forget to say those three important words: “You’re right, dear.”
• My wife says I never listen, or something like that.

Laughter is the universal language of love, and in marriage, it’s the glue that holds couples together through the ups and downs.

These bits of ‘Funny Marriage Advice for Newlyweds’ serve as gentle reminders that taking each other too seriously can make the journey tougher than it needs to be.

So, keep laughing and keep loving!